Blood on my hands

Running round in circles, i cant seem to find an exit... i hear breathing, hard and heavy, i think he is closing in on me, where would i hide? he shouldnt find me, nooo, he cant find me,....blood everywhere, blood on my hands... He is coming, i have to find, oh my God, dont hurt me please, i didnt know, i was barely a child myself......

I woke up startled, sweat dripping all over my face, my sheets were soaked, not again, not the same dream again,luckily this time Mark is still fast asleep, looking at his innocent face brought smiles to my face, he sleeps so sweetly.  i need a drink of water, i unconsciously checked my hands to see if they were  stained with blood, i cant stop the dreams, the guy who is always in my dreams trying to hurt me, the blood on my hands..

1991

Rantiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,where is this child...you are going to make me late...,I heard my mum scream my name from downstairs, she needs to drop me off at school, I do not like my school,rich spoilt wannabes, but my mum insisted that I roll with the creames of the society especially Biggie whose Dad is the petroleum minister, I think her dad helps my mum secure contracts. I came down the stairs to see my mum glaring at me.....what the hell are you wearing on your feet? Where is the shoe I got you? Your plan is to disgrace me abi?

When my mum starts yapping, I pretend I am in Disney land so I shut her out...Tonight Biggie is having a sweet sixteen party and I have to be there, I don't want to be there, I won't to be home with Tobi my brother whom I love dearly...

Walking into Biggie's house I felt my stomach sink to the lowest parts of my being, Lara, jumoke,Cynthia and co, all the wannabes are there..

Ranti babes... What are you wearing for the party?Biggie asked, it's in the car, I am wearing the ball gown I wore to church last week...over my dead body will you look like a church girl on my birthday so I have taken the liberty of shopping for you, all my friends are wear denim on denim bum shorts and I got yours. Biggie dragged me into her room for me to try it on, after wearing it I kept glancing at myself in the mirror, I felt sexy, I am 15 with a big bum(curtesy of my mum)..

We came downstairs to meet a full hall,boys from our school,Biggie's elder brother and his friends were around,

Girls were swooning over Biggie's brother and his friends(secondary school girls always do that) but one of them kept staring at me... I heard my mother's voice in my head...Ranti don't let any oshi rada rada Omo ale to touch you oh,you will get pregnant and I will send you to the village to maami before you bring shame to this family.

I went to a corner to sit cos I honestly do not want to be here with all the wannabes...

Ranti what are you doing there? Biggie asked?my brother's friend is asking about you,I think he likes you oh,don't dull yourself oh,Tunde,s father controls NNPC,and my friends must roll with the rich or they seize to be my friends,I turned to her, I don't feel okay and my stomach is kinda queasy...she shoved a red cup into my hands and told me to drink in one gulp, I obeyed, I felt a burning sensation in my throat,Biggie this is alcohol I said in horror.. Ehen don't you feel better she quipped.. Now go upstairs and have a conversation with Tunde,he is waiting for you, don't be nasty,smile and say I would love to be your girlfriend you hear????

I climbed the stairs with dread at the same time excitement,no boy has shown interest in me talk more of an undergrad with a loaded popsy...my mum will be proud of me..

I opened Biggie's room to see him standing there,he looks cute but something is off about him, he looks drunk,he smiled at me and told me to come close, I moved towards him with trepidation but I moved closer,he told me to turn around and I could see he was smacking his lips, I watched him look at me with glazed eyes, at my age I knew what that look was,I told him I needed to get something downstairs but he blocked the door and shoved me to the bed,I started screaming but no one could here me cos the music was loud,he grabbed my tshirt and tore it and held my hands to the bed still trying to unbutton my shorts,it wasn't bulging so he left my hands to use both his hands to unbutton my bum shorts,with all the strength I could muster,I shoved him so hard that he hit his head on the wardrobe handle..

I was raged I picked one of Biggie's high heel slippers and kept hitting him on the head, I didn't notice the blood splattered on my face arms and hand, I just continued hitting till I could not hit him anymore, I rolled under the bed and remained there for God knows how long.

I heard the door open and heard screams but I was in Disney land,I couldn't think I just stared until I saw a set of eyes under the bed that looked familiar,it was my Dad,he dragged me out and I hugged him like my life depended on it..

Later I was told Tunde died from the excessive hit to the head with the high heel slippers and both family agreed it was in self Defence.

I was home schooled for the rest of my high school cos I was afraid to leave my house.. I had a shrink who had sessions with me to help me overcome the trauma..

The dreams have been with me since I was 15,I am married to the sweetest man...I met Mark in Cadiff when I went to the university,we got married in the UK and for awhile my dreams stopped...We recently moved back to Nigeria and my dreams are back...

 Oh My God,what do I do, should I tell Mark? As I sip my water, a hand held me from the back..I was so startled I dropped my water...Honey are you alright? You look white as death.....

Watch out for part 2....